and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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