Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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