toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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