if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
