3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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