Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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