I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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