I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
ttyl tear gas
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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