Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
