like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
