Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
