he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
