We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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