So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
