His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
