so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
