she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
