I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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