Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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