If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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