I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
