It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
