Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
