i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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