At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
