Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The beer is more important than you right now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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