i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need to calm my uterus...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
