Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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