i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
