the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
