Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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