you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
