his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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