also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
