cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
