So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
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I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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