After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
