Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
