Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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