If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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