wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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