"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
