he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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