Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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