Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
