new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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