tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
