Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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