Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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