how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We have so much sex to catch up on
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
