Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
