my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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