someone get that fucking seahorse.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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