I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
