The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize