You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
