i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
