i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
