did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
