so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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