How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
