this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
