I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
a search helicopter?!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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