sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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