i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
