alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
BRING THE BAGELS
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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