so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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