Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
