Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
