Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
