That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
