He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It's Friday. Sex?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
