Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
