Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
